I’ve been reading this QACI Quirks column for three years now, and I’ve noticed a tradition building. It’s sly, sneaky, insinuating itself into the heart of this column. It’s a tradition started with Stephany Banal 2015, and taken up by Kat Ponomarenko 2016 during her time at the helm of QACI Quirks.
It’s the ‘x reasons you know you’re a QACI kid’ column.
Since I began writing at the start of this year, I have felt the urge to follow in the footsteps of Steph and Kat—to enumerate and distil the essence of the QACI student into easily-readable dot points that we can all read and relate to. “Do it,” the ghosts of QACI Quirkers past whispered to me. But still I asked myself—“Hasn’t it been done already? Shouldn’t you think of something new?”
The temptation became stronger and stronger as I found myself busier and busier—the allure of a column with a set form, a short column I didn’t have to think about, almost overwhelming me. My resolve began to falter, my beliefs in originality to lessen. Clearly, something had to be done.
So here I place before you, for all posterity:
21 reasons why I will NOT be writing a ’21 reasons why you know you’re a QACI kid’ column
- Because of my moral commitment to choosing one’s own path and defying tradition (aka the version of Robert Frost who lives in my head)
- I usually make it a point of honour never to listen to Robert Frost, but still
- Because I can’t think of 21 things to write about
- 17 is my brain’s listicle asymptote
- Because this column is aimed at Year 12s, and we’re all too busy to read it
- Because I don’t have time because I am studying for mock exams
- Because 21 as a number offends me and I am taking a stand against it
- Because we’ve already had enough ‘reasons why’ for one year (thanks, Netflix)
- Because TOK has taught me that QACI kids are a social construct
- In fact, QACI is a social construct
- In fact, I am a social construct
- I cannot participate in the perpetuation of this myth
- It is my duty to enlighten the citizenry
- Because because because because because…the wonderful Wizard of Oz because…
- I’m going to stop saying ‘because’ at the start of each item now
- To be honest the only reason I used them is because I wanted to make this joke
- Lists, as an inherently linear form of writing, are allied with the realism genre, the Hero’s Journey, and Freytag’s Pyramid, and are trying to oppress me
- I would have to write about how cool it is to have elevators, and as a theatre student I never take the elevators
- Never ever
- The version of me you saw in the elevator yesterday was a social construct
- It was cold this morning
- Writing such a list would not count for CAS and therefore I am not interested
- Lists are too organised for my brain to cope with
- I am holding a grudge against QACI (it made me do the EE)
- English Lit has taught me that if it doesn’t have a topic sentence, it isn’t a real piece of writing
- I suppose I could write a PEEL paragraph for each dot point
- But that seems a little excessive
- The QACI Kid is Undefinable and Individual
- We are elusive!
- We have no common factors!
- We are artists!
- Our thoughtful and complex souls cannot be reduced to twenty-one dot points written by someone who has not had enough sleep!
- I don’t like writing lists in Word
- It tries to take away my Earned Autonomy by formatting them automatically
- We students have secrets we cannot share with the general populace
- I am bound by a vow of silence to never reveal the True Nature of QACI Kid-ness
- Writing such a list would allow me to procrastinate doing More Useful Homework
- And as an exemplary student I would NEVER do such a thing
- I don’t want to
- Two people have already written such lists, and plagiarism is against the IB Code of Conduct
- I don’t want to lose my diploma
- I’m already in danger of failing CAS due to a Lack of Going Outside
- I don’t need any more sticking points
…article written by Samantha Hammond, Year 12